11 February 2007


Last night as I was going to bed I started thinking about what exactly I should be doing with my time in Tucson, with my summer, and the next few years. The past couple of weeks have been challenging as I have forced myself to try and spend time in the word and pray. The best I can describe it is I have felt distant from God. Things haven't been bad, I have actually felt very blessed and have seen Him provide for me over and over again beyond what I could have imagined these past few months. I have been truly thankful for that and know that it is only because of Him. And so I have hated this feeling inside that though I have longed to be close to God and know what it is He is asking from me that instead I have not been able to.

Now I didn't want to just be going through the motions of reading the Bible and praying and church just because they are things I am supposed to do; I went through them because I long to continue building a closer relationship with Christ, but as with any relationship sometimes things are easier than others. I've wanted to get past this, I was sick of feeling like that. So I went to bed reading Hebrews 11:1-12:13. There was a lot that stuck out to me, and a lot that I finally felt God was using to speak to me...

[Now faith is being sure of what hope for and certain of what we do not see...All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country-a heavenly one. Therefor God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them...Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated-th world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground. These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us...Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart...Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. "Make level paths for your feet," so that the lame may not be disabled but rather healed.]

I woke up this morning and went to church pretty much like every other Sunday, but this Sunday was different. I still don't really know what to say other than I'm thankful. The sermon was great-I needed to hear it, I feel like I finally have answers to write for my application, and more than anything I know God is here and that He never left. So by faith...I will trust God in what He has in store for my life. By faith I will follow Him wherever it is He calls me to go.

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